Saturday, May 28, 2011

A sketch I wrote a while ago but I haven't figured out what to do with


The Frying Zone
Narrator:
Consider if you will the story of "the Rich Man and Lazarus". The rich man was not granted a request to come back from Hell to warn his family. But what if somewhere in the sands of time GOD lets one man have his last request to warn his family.
 (talking to the warrior angels on his left) Yes, I know HE doesn’t normally anybody to do this (sob). How much time do I have? Two minutes Uh wow ok. (He looks forward as if looking into a video camera and starts crying.)
Man:
Johnny, Amy this is daddy. Tell my story to your mom, your friends, my friends and, anybody who will listen. I don’t want anybody to end up here.
Remember our neighbor down the street Ms. Shelly? You know her. She has the fish on her mini van. She was always trying to let us allow you two to go to that religious camp with her kids but we would never let you go. Well, we should have let you go.
It’s very hot here where I am. I feel like I keep running faster and faster to keep getting away from the flames. There’s a pain like something that keeps eating at my feet but, I’m not bleeding. The sting keeps growing more and more intense by the second. My own screaming fills my ears. Nobody hears me. I see another person in the distance running. It took me forever to figure out that I’m looking at the image of myself in a mirror.
My mind keeps repeating over and over again the chances I’ve had to avoid this place that I’ve ignored. There was this girl in college named Jen. I was too busy looking at her (um) sweater to listen to her. Jen’s message is still etched in my brain like a granite statue. It’s haunting me like that dripping faucet in our house. You know like the faucet in our bathroom that only seemed to drip when I was trying to sleep. (He looks to the left) What? Get on with it. I thought all you angels were supposed to be patient or something, (He looks forward again.)
Look kids, we all have violated GOD’s law. HE is holy and can’t stand sin in his presence. So one little white lie to your mom or me has put you into deep trouble. GOD sent HIS son JESUS to live a perfect life and die in your place. You need to believe in JESUS and follow HIM or, else you are going to end up like me. It’s like a boy with a bunch of presents under the Christmas tree. If he doesn’t open them then he doesn’t have the stuff inside the box. (He looks to his left again.) What! ? Time to go already? Please, it seems like I’ve been in this torment for five years. How long have I been here anyway? TWO DAYS!? (He looks forward again.)
Johnny, Amy please don’t make the same mistake I made. I BEG YOU. DON"T END UP HERE!
 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Seven Reasons The World May End on 5/21/11

7/ Harold Camping just paid off the mortgage on his radio stations

6/ He predicted  the earth's end  for  1978, September 6, 1994, September 15, 1994 ,September 29, 1994 , October 2, 1994, December 25, 1994, March 16, 1995 ,September 24, 1995, April 3, 1996, May 3, 1996 ... the law of averages says he has to be right some time http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110504174535AAOIUS3

5/If you play "It's The End of The World as We Know It" by R..E.M backwards it reveals a biblical code

4/ He took from The Smother's Brothers and tells Jesus  "DAD likes me best" every night ** see Matthew 24:36**

3/ The world's warranty ran out two months ago

2/ Two words : "Bath night" (we all  know the phone always rings or there is some world ending emergency just after you get into the tub or shower)

1/ The Fire insurance was too expensive so the Nations all had to cancel their policies

Thursday, May 5, 2011

What's in a name?

Every so often on the phone, at my job, I have person ask me how to spell "Bob". I spell "Bob" backwards just to mess with their heads.

I'm named after my father so since I was 29 I've been getting mail inviting me to join  A. A. R. P.  I guess I'd better keep my birth certificate handy. If my dad should die then I may have to prove that I'm alive.

I heard of somebody who had the last name Lattalard  ( pronounced Lotta lard). Now I know people who have the name of Baker had people in their family tree who were bakers by occupation. What did that poor person have happen to an ancestor to be stuck with a name like Lattalard. It sounds like the taunting of a bully really really stuck.

I read that many American Indians were upset that  the name "Geronimo" was used as the code word for the mission to take out Bin Laden and demand an apology from our President.  (see the link below) http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110504/ap_on_re_us/us_bin_laden_geronimo I would like an apology from The dictionary people for the verbs "bob' and "rob"